


Guilty

by Lapinporokoira



Category: The Walking Dead (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Implied Necrophilia, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Missing Scene, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Hatred, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-14 02:57:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10527399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lapinporokoira/pseuds/Lapinporokoira
Summary: Why did Ben make a deal with the Bandits in Season 1, Episode 2 Missing scene.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Got an idea and determined to write it. I wrote it in one sitting. Mistakes were made. Posted as is.

The train was on the move and with nothing to do but wait, Ben felt the heavy load of recent events. Like a Walker on his back gnawing him to the bone until there would be nothing less. Being devoured by Walkers was his worst fear and this felt so much like it. Ben held his head in his hands and let the chugging of the train on it's tracks lull that ache that wanted to explode. It was all his fault. Carley, Katya, Duck.. They had died because of him, because he was a useless, weak coward. 

At the time he wanted to be useful. Make his place in the group well earned. He was the newbie. The one most likely to be dropped when the time came. He needed to ensure he was worth keeping. So when night had come he had snuck out of the Motor Inn to find food for the group. He wouldn't be long, he had told himself. Not far. Just check some of the broken down cars to see if they got lucky again. Easy enough even for someone like him. But like always Ben screwed up. Didn't pay attention. Useless. 

Ben had just finished searching a beat up up old Chevrolet when he heard the snap of twigs by the forest's edge. It took only a moment to turn around and there was a gun barrel in his face. Attached to a grinning Bandit with a vaguely familiar face. Ben felt his heart seize and his mouth grow dry. Whilst his eyes pricked wide with fear. He barely noticed he had wet himself as well. A zombie he could outrun on his gangly legs but not a gun at such close range. 

"Ple...ase. Please don't kill me!" he cried waving his hands up frantically. Only for the Bandit to laugh at his fear and with that laughter came the sound of footfalls as two other bandits emerged from the woods. Ben started to cry. 

"I'll give you anything you want, man! Please don't shoot me. I'm not worth the bullet!" His panicked mind wrangled from his lips. 

The bandit just pushed the gun close until it jabbed into his ribs. His facial expressions still amused. 

"Kid, you said the magic words." 

The other two men closed the gap , blocking any escape route Ben had and his thoughts drifted back to the raid on his previous camp and his eyes tried to bulge out of their sockets. 

"...noooo..." His voice whispered. They were going to torture him, eat him like the St John's. His knees gave out and he found himself staring up at the lead bandit instead of at eye level. 

"I don't want to die!" 

The bandit sneered at his pathetic display. 

"Now, now beanpole. None of those teary girl shit. You work right by us and you'll be fine and dandy. Right boys?"

The other two laughed. One even mock wiping his eyes with his knuckles. 

"We know you're from the Motor Inn. Saw your scraggly ass enough times sitting up on that chair. Watching for trouble and not even seeing us watching you back. "

He chuckled as Ben sagged lower. Ben's face burning in shame at the realisation he sucked even as a look out. 

"We've seen some of your group go off into town and bring back all sorts of goodies too. All we want, kiddo is a piece of that action. We'll lay off the attacks if you give us your stuff." 

They barely had enough back at the Motor Inn and Ben couldn't even comprehend how losing all their supplies would do to the group. He couldn't do that. He came out here to help them not make it worse. The gun waved in his face as the bandit waited for a reply and Ben felt a war ranging within him. Do as they say and live or give them what they wanted and let the others slowly die. He clenched the dirt by his knees as the terrible choice lay before him. Coward though he was, Ben wanted to do right by the others. He didn't want to die. But death by bullet was better then being devoured. He looked up at the lead Bandit, sniffling before finding that hint of bravery buried inside of him. 

"I can't. I won't do that." He stuck his chin up to the bandit in defiance. Awaiting his death sentence. 

The bandit waved the gun in his face then whacked against his nose. The scent of gunpowder clear as day in Ben's nostrils. His eyes drifted to the trigger and the finger precariously placed over it. 

"Click."

Ben jumped as the bullet never left the barrel of the gun. Cringed away as he pissed himself at the sound. The bandit laughed uproariously at his reaction.

"Oh my lord. Like a chicken seeing a fox in her hen house. You are a laugh a minute, kid."

Shame curled around Ben's form as he sobbed. His bravery lost in his soiled underwear. 

"I know you won't give me the same answer again. Ya see I plum forgot to mention something that might change your mind. We didn't kill all your little school chums. Oh no. We kept one alive. He's back at our camp, even more of a mouse then you are. "

That was a lie, Ben desperately thought. These men were not the sort to keep prisoners. He refused to believe it. But what if it was true? Ben felt like he was spiralling down a hole to nowhere. 

"Here." The bandit pulled a handkerchief from his pocket. It's white simplicity marred by blood and brown stuff. It had the initials J.M. Ben felt his throat tighten. That was Jeremy's handkerchief. His mom always made him carry one with him. But it didn't mean. No he wouldn't believe it. 

"I see you've got a thinking face on. Well let me tell you something else kid. You see we don't want all your things, just enough to take the edge off for us ya know. Little bit of the good stuff to drift. You give us a bit a week and we'll let your friend live."

Maybe Jeremy was alive, Ben thought. But then again even if he was, was being alive in the hands of a bunch of crazed men living at all? He couldn't think. He wanted his mom and dad. The Bandit frowned at him as Ben refused to respond as his shoulders hitched pathetically. 

"Not good enough for you? Well fuck you, you little shit. No. Wait. Fuck those bitches you got instead."

Ben froze still. Even his tears refused to budge. 

"We see you got some pretty ladies there. Imagine what we could do to them? The hot looking bird with a bitch face under all that hair. Spread her wide I would. Legs so pretty I could bend em up and over. Or how about the smaller Brunette? She looks a feisty one in the sack." 

"I'd do the old fat bird." 

One of the lead bandit's mates chirped up. Ben hunched up and shuddered at the lustful look on his face. Memories swarmed his head. A gun to his and the other boy's heads. Girls screaming. Clothes being torn. The smashed in face of Jessica Landis staring through him as some behemoth sullied her cooling corpse. The grunts, the cries. Oh God! They very thought of it happening to kind Katya. Carley who looked out for him and even Lily, whom scared him but was always softer with Clementine and Duck. Ben wanted to Vomit. 

"You have no taste, Billy. But I suppose any hole's a goal." 

"You can't. Not... the others..." Ben's voice sounded faint even in his own ears but the bandit heard it none the less. 

"We can, kiddo and we will." He said. "And you know what else? It won't just be the women we fuck. I'll take that little girl, and teach her all about a real man. Probably split her wide open by the time I'm done."

"No!" 

If the thought of Katya, Carley and Lily being defiled was bad. The thought of Clementine... Ben vomited. Spewing up nothing but bile from his empty stomach. He couldn't let that happen to Clementine! She was so little and didn't have a bad bone in her body. Even Carley on her best day would smile sympathetically at Ben but Clem? She treated him as she did everyone else. As a human being. It was always Ben she came to when she wanted her hair brushed. She said he brushed it just the way her mother used to. His room at the Inn was decorated in drawings she made for him. Pictures of Ben and her holding hands. Of the group smiling at each other on a beach. And she was just so... innocent. Like his little sister. His little sister was probably dead but Clementine didn't have to be. 

"I'll... I'll do it." He whispered bitterly. 

"Good lad. Now let's discuss the details of our new relationship..." 

Ben kept his deal up with the Bandits. Even weeks later after they revealed they never had any of his friends. One mention of what they would do to Clementine and the others stilled any thoughts he had of going against it. It broke Ben inside a little more and his brave inner Ben was lost to his shame and fears for the others. Then of course, Lee had found the stash and everything went to hell again. In the RV, Ben wanted to tell the truth, he really did. But it was too fast. He was too panicked. If he spilled he would spill it all including the intended rape of the likes of Katya and sweet Clementine. Lily too. How could he tell her to her face that the bandits wanted to tear her open and rape her? And then Lily shot Carley and Ben's self preservation kicked in. Numbed him. He could pretend it wasn't his fault. Even after learning Duck was bit he refused to bear it. Distracted himself with cool trains and new people. Like it never happened. But time slowed down and Ben felt the crash of reality bearing down. Looking at Duck curled up in his mother's arms. Coughing blood. Katya's face serene but broken at the same time. He felt the urge to confess but even he wasn't stupid enough to realise telling them when Duck was dying was not a good idea. When Lee came back with Kenny alone and no sign of Katya. Ben knew. Knew what happened. Katya had died because of him as well. For being a coward and not confessing. 

Standing on the train and thinking of his failings, Ben felt the choices he made tearing him up. He knew he needed to tell someone. Kenny was not an option. He couldn't bear to hurt Clementine any further, Chuck was new, wouldn't understand, so that left Lee. But at least without the immediate panic during Lily's third degree, Ben had the time to think his words through. To confess to being the traitor without slipping up and mentioning the threats. Lee loved Clementine more then anyone. He didn't need to hear that part. It was Ben's fault the others had died. He deserved to keep that burden his own.

**Author's Note:**

> Not how it originally went in my head. It was meant to be more disjointed with Ben flashbacking to why he made a deal and the images that invoked it. I liked Ben. For all his faults he always tried to do the right thing, even when he sucked at it. Hoped this gives some sympathy to his plight and a possible reasoning for his actions. 
> 
> Please let me know if I missed any significant tags.


End file.
